Thursday, November 19, 2009

Joda Wisdom

The conversation my 2-year-old and I had while changing her moments ago:

Me: Please don't touch your diaper. It's poopy.
Joda: Oh. It's yucky.
Me: Yes, yes it is.
Joda: I don't want to eat the poopy diaper.
Me: No, you don't. That's gross.
Joda: Yeah. I don't want to eat my poop. It's not a pancake.
Me: No, it is definitely not a pancake.
Joda: Yeah. (extending her finger to the counter) That's a nice pancake.

And there you have it. Eat the nice pancake, not human feces.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My captors

A chilled hand covers my mouth.
My muffled call for help carries to no one,
no one but my captors.
We're alone-
in my living room.
I've been wrestled to the couch.
Two on one.
With the chilled hand still quieting my mouth
the shorter, stronger one pokes me in the eye,
and I squirm.
His nail is sharp and painful on my eyelid-
possibly drawing blood.
The hand on my mouth tightens.
And then something wet... across my forehead;
It drips down the side of my face
I try to wipe it away,
But My captors force back my arm.
Instinctively I jerk and the hand on my mouth releases,
"I'll get you for this!"I scream in desperation.
But they laugh and the hand returns to my mouth.
How long will they torture me?
Suddenly, my adrenalin catches fire and I receive strength,
"Off you fiends!" I yell with courage!
And in one great movement I roll to the side and dive off the couch.
I'm facing the two of them from across the room now.
Who will move first...
Finally, and with great vigor, my 2 year old daughter yells,
"Mama, I get you!" and she runs me down our hallway
and I'm searching fast as I can for a good hiding place,
something not too difficult for them to find me.
I know my 14 month son is close on my heels as well.
"I gon get you!" I hear again.
I dive under the covers on my daughters bed.
And then they're there, they see the lump-
I'm ruined- this is the end.
They pull the blanket off my head with huge grins on their faces
laying on my arms, leaving me defenseless.
And then I see it:
One large blob of drool falling from my son's mouth.
"NOOOOO!" I yell, trying to wrench my arm free.
But I can't, and they've won, they're giggling over my scream.
The blob belly flops over my good eyeball.
And I'm blinded.
I throw them off and growl
"You better run!"
"Ahhhhhh!" They yell!
The tables have turned and it's my turn to torture my captors.